How Tweet It Is
Tweets from the end of June through early August. I'll try to aggregate more frequently from here on out.
Sen.Franken! One step closer to my dream of an all-comedy-writer govm't.
President Smigel, anyone? "What a nice bill...for me to poop on!"
2:07 PM Jun
30th from web
spatch@smithnoah President Smigel would always appear
on television with someone else's mouth superimposed over his own.
A coming trio of D-list celeb deaths starting with Billy Mays? Dreamt last night that Jenny McCarthy & Harlan Williams died in a plane crash
11:04 AM Jul 1st from web
Republicans have officially completed their transformation into the villains from a Marx Brothers movie http://tinyurl.com/mjq2fq
11:09 AM Jul 1st from web
RIP Karl Malden. How many editorial cartoons are being drawn right now making some Pearly Gates/"Don't Leave Home Without Them" AMEX joke?
1:31 PM Jul 1st from web
I admit it. I would watch a sitcom about Diana Ross having to adopt and raise
Michael Jackson's children. Title: "Baby Love."
8:17 AM Jul 2nd from
Heyes@smithnoah what, not pretty young
10:18 AM Jul 2nd from Adium in reply to smithnoah
@Heyes that would be good, too, with "Love Child" a distant third.
Jul 2nd from web in reply to Heyes
Independence Day: great holiday, truly, truly terrible movie.
11:15 PM Jul 4th from web
Since Kid Rock saved time by lifting a Skynyrd melody and Zevon baseline, you'd think he'd have enough time to find a rhyme for "things"
10:31 AM Jul 8th from web
Lunchmeat king Oscar Meyer dead at 95 http://tiny.cc/LJzU4 . But he's so full of preservatives that he'll keep in your fridge till 2015.
12:27 PM Jul 8th from web
TWEETS FROM SEATTLE, FOR ABE'S
I'm in Seattle for the first time in my life. Apart from it
being sunny, it really looks the way it looks on TV. LA is like that,
4:20 PM Jul 9th from web
I've been here
for 30 hours and I'm ready to say it--Seattle is the most beautiful city in
America. Also, it's still the 90s here. Awesome!
4:39 PM Jul 10th from
Okay, if you ever meet my
not-quite-two-year-old cousin, Phineas, you HAVE to get him to do his Obama
2:43 PM Jul 13th from web
Further evidence that Seattle is the coolest city on Earth -- the marquee at a small movie theatre that listed Ron Paul as the star of Bruno
11:22 AM Jul 20th from web
The label on my tuna can is upside down. I find this oddly disconcerting.
12:06 PM Jul 14th from web
Amanda's recent purchases at ThePaperSource include a "Xyron machine," and a "heat gun." I think she's planning to destroy the Superfriends.
8:16 AM Jul 17th from web
Obvious statement about Mr. Cronkite: Any list of the most important people in television history needs him at or near the top. RIP
7:18 PM Jul 17th from web
Does anyone else think that the Li'l Wayne cameo on that "Let It Rock" song sounds more like Zach Braff?
12:13 PM Jul 20th from web
RIP to Les Lye who played the adult male roles on "You Can't Do That on
TV." At age 84 he lost his finally battle with "one sneaky kid."
9:20 AM Jul
23rd from web
To which Mr. Lye, listening from
beyond, shouts, "Daah, I heard that!"
9:20 AM Jul 23rd from web
"You Can't Do That On TV"'s Les Lye will be cremated. Where
will his ashes be scattered? What do you think's IN THE BURGERS?
2:00 PM Jul 24th from web
This must be a really old episode of "House." House is actually acting a little bit like a human being.
9:02 PM Jul 24th from web
There's a word gentlemen do not use, but I think Palin's farewell speech might have been the that-word-iest speech of all time.
8:24 AM Jul 28th from web
Obama will be drinking BUD LIGHT at today's cop/professor summit??? This is by far the worst thing I have ever heard about the man.
8:22 AM Jul 30th from web
Did Henry Waxman begin his political career as Mayor of Whoville? What was his Grinch policy? Did it help him get elected to higher office?
1:49 PM Jul 31st from web
Had the frightening realization that I am now roughly the same age adult Kevin Arnold was when he was narrating his Wonder Years.
11:00 AM Aug 4th from web
1) hoping people near the Eagle Rock fire are okay 2) as a former ER resident I'm annoyed that the news keeps calling it "The Glendale Fire"
6:25 PM Aug 4th from web
No one is surprised that I'm thrilled my new license plate includes JJJ because it reminds me of J. Jonah Jameson from Spider-Man, right?
2:09 PM Aug 5th from web
Many questions about Squeaky Fromme being set free. Is she mad Ford died of natural causes? Has she seen the musical? Is Charlie a birther?
2:21 PM Aug 5th from web
I'LL TELL THE FULL STORY LATER, BUT ON AUGUST 6th OUR HOUSE GOT
I thought spilling lunch on my shirt today sucked. They we came
home and found we'd had a break-in and our stuff was stolen. Suckier.
Aug 6th from web
Oh well, at least the Red Sox aren't
getting annihilated by the #$%&ing Yankees or anything. Oh ... wait
6:49 PM Aug 6th from web
Things looking up! Just
had dinner at North Hollywood Diner one table away from voice over legend Chuck
9:19 PM Aug 6th from web
Yes, we took the
dog to the dog beach yesterday, even though she proved herself a failure as a
watch dog last week.
1:07 PM Aug 10th from web
The lady from Allstate who handled our renter's insurance
claim was very nice. But I really wanted to talk to Dennis Haysbert
10:06 AM Aug 12th from web
Keeping open mind about the Spider-Man B'way musical, but horrified to learn it features new villain "Swiss Miss" http://tinyurl.com/d82cpz
9:09 AM Aug 7th from web
So the Sox/Yankees game is on in Spanish, but not English? Thanks, Time-Warner!
1:15 PM Aug 8th from web
Sorry, didn't hear you. I'm imaging graphic, gruesome ways for the Yankees to die. Then their fans would choke on their own tiny mustaches.
6:18 PM Aug 8th from web
I'm not saying I truly WANT him to die, but I won't exactly be sad when Alex Rodriguez DOES die.
7:26 PM Aug 9th from web
You know it's a weird summer for movie comedy when Apatow and Baron-Cohen swing and miss and Ephron hits her first home run in a decade.
11:14 AM Aug 9th from web
I would only see "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" if you told me Piven's character gets beheaded by samurai monkeys in the first 20 minutes
12:10 PM Aug 10th from web
Just spoke with my cousin who is 100% okay, as is her 23-month-old son, after they were run off The Mass Pike! Rolled their minivan twice!
1:36 PM Aug 11th from web
I like having two middle names. It means I'll never become a famous assassin.
3:21 PM Aug 11th from web
JACK NEARY SAID: Okay, you're in trouble on a TV show. Who's the best go-to guy?
Jack Bauer or Andy Taylor. Discuss.
7:23 PM Aug 11th from web
I SAID: @jackneary2 I go with Andy. Jack may save the WORLD, but 80% of his
close acquaintances wind up dead.
10:18 PM Aug 11th from web in reply to
Today's "Politician Who Must Have Been Named by Charles Dickens": Steve LaTourette, the cussin' rep from Ohio http://tinyurl.com/lj49ua
10:50 AM Aug 12th from web
Celeb sighting: Mario "AC Slater" Lopez at candy store in Burbank. Wasn't sure it was him so I said "time out" to freeze time & double check
9:58 AM Aug 13th from web
"(500) Days of Summer" is the movie I might have written at 25 if I hadn't met Amanda at 22 and started being, like, happy.
8:14 AM Aug 13th from web