Some quick responses to your comments about the Rockin' Space Mountain thing
Huh. You think if they were going to go with a Chili Peppers cover, they could have done "Roller Coaster" ...
Dan 04.28.07 - 3:29 pm #
You’re not the first to mention that.
My guess would be that that’s how this started. There’s an Aerosmith rollercoaster in Orlando and I bet someone at a meeting said “Hey, how about a rollercoaster that plays “Roller Coaster (Of Love)’?” Then through various other meetings the idea go watered down and perverted and …
They also did an overlay of a standard, but pretty cool coaster at California Adventure called California Screamin’. For that one, they used “Around the World,” which is actually a really dirty song and has this weird part where Kiedis sings in fake “ching chong” type Chinese. As you would expect, they cut that stuff out.
They used to have a Dick Dale surf rock song on Space Mountain.
Not that I'd ever know, because every year during the dot-com days when I went to Disneyland in January for my birthday, Space Mountain was always closed for maintenance.
Rob Homepage 04.29.07 - 2:45 pm #
Hmm … I think that’s only in Disneyland Paris. Wait … lemme check …
Oh, no, I was wrong. Disneyland, and only Disneyland, used the Dick Dale from 1996-2003, according to Wikipedia, and that’s never wrong.
Maybe it's just me, but I miss when it was just plain ol' Space Mountain. When it just about, ya know, rocketing through space. Somehow, jamming the rock n' roll motif in there makes it seem slightly off. Like those bizarre Hanna-Barbera toons where The Fonz had a time machine and a talking dog.
Benari Homepage 04.30.07 - 12:05 pm #
Yeah, I guess. But the rock stuff was only for a limited time. A nice change of pace – Disneyland is much more of a local park, after all. Much more likely that the people riding it are from the greater LA area and some semi-often.
I am glad there is some sound, though … Yeah, in space, no one can hear you wail, but still, why overload only two senses when you can hit three?
Monday, April 30, 2007
Weren't these supposed to be getting shorter?
One of my favorite discoveries on that evbil time-eating TV Tropes page is this one. Roughly it states that on a lot of programming fore kids the words “die” and “kill” are considered too harsh and some sort of euphemism is needed. For example, Megatron was always threatening to “terminate” people and Autobots on “Tranformers.”
This amuses me because this was the policy at the children’s theatre at Summer Theatre for the early and mid nineties, before Tom McCabe returned. I assume some parent complained. I have no idea how often parents complained, because they never told me, even when it was about something I wrote. Was this to protect my feelings? I dunno. All I know is that suddenly we were all worried that my THREE MUSKETEERS was too violent. Yeah, ‘cause parents who take their kids to see THE THREE MUSKETEERS are going to be shocked when there’s swordfights.
Ahem.
Anyway, yes, in the 90s, we couldn’t say “kill” or “die” in the plays. This was problematic, because most fairy tales are all about death or at least the threat of death. Our answer was to use euphemisms. (“I’ll be finished!” “It’s curtains for them!”) The thing was, of course, that most of the time the stuff we came up with was so much worse than just “kill” or “die.”
For example, in 1996, we did a pretty good production of a truly awful THREE BEARS script, written by Charlotte Chorpenning, who has done more to ruin theatre and childhood than just about anyone, and yet is somehow revered. This dreadful mess introduced a weird subplot where there was a fourth bear, hell bent on revenge against Goldilocks’ family because her father had killed his mother. My friend Mac played Grizzly, the evil bear. You may remember Mac from a short film he appeared in which I ran here a few weeks ago. He was the Scotsman parading around Manhattan in a kilt and in the end, he got a bit cheeky.
(yeah, and I’m accusing other people of bad writing …)
So at one point Grizzly was supposed to say “I’m going to find Goldilocks and kill her” or something to that extent. But after we made it “nicer” it was …
“When I find her, I’ll get her! I’ll squish her! I’ll make her wish she’d never been born!”
See how that’s SO MUCH WORSE?
I’m of the belief that kids don’t need to be sheltered from stuff like this. Kids think about death a lot. It’s strange and yes, it’s scary. And I think entertainment for children should explore it, so they can have some tools for dealing with it. Yes, sometimes it can backfire. I recently heard, on “This American Life” something about a little boy whose father had died. He’d also watched The Lion King and heard all about the Circle of Life, which made him hate babies. After all, for one of those babies to be born, someone like his father had to die. On the other hand, I think media treatments of death helped my cousin Emma deal with our grandfather’s death, when she was nine – she believed that when someone dies, parts of their souls live on in the hearts of the people they loved. For me, this is a much more acceptable cosmology than anything from contemporary religion.
Beyond that, I think children deserve good storytelling. Good storytelling requires high stakes, and there’s no higher stakes than life or death.
This stuff is somewhat on my mind after Virginia Tech. Please don’t think I’m making light of it, okay. I may come off a little breezy, but it’s not about the actually shootings, it’s about the way the media tried to psychoanalyze the shooter.
See, I’m a little bothered that the shooter was a playwright. It’s hard enough being a playwright already in this country --what with the segregated “Playwrights” and “Normal People” drinking fountains and the signs that say “Help Wanted – No Playwrights Need Apply,” etc. Now we’re associated with mass murderers.
And I wonder, what if I snapped? What “signs” have I been leaving people in my plays, especially my adaptations for children …
(the ones in red are the ones where I made up that part myself, rather than getting it from the original)
RETURN TO THE LAND OF OZ – One of the good guys suggests they should feed the bad guy to a wild animal.
SCENES FROM THE EVE – (Not for kids … these days I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone) Aliens plot to destroy the Earth. An online cult leader plans a mass suicide and presumably many of his followers do it.
JACK AND THE BEANSTALK – A character repeatedly threatens to grind another’s bones to make bread.
DR. JEKYLL AND MR HYDE – (Not for kids) Four murders (three (two in the original) by bludgeoning, one by poison), a shooting, and, while it’s not stated explicitly, I’m pretty sure Mr. Hyde sodomizes one of his victims possibly before and almost definitely after he dies.
PUSS IN BOOTS – A character who, while a villain, has not actually committed any capital offense (well, witchcraft, debatably which was capital in many countries) is killed when he turns into an insect and another character deliberately steps on him. Thank god I didn’t use the original ending where he turns into a mouse and the cat eats him.
TREASURE ISLAND – An apparent ghost abduction, a plummet off a bottomless cliff for two characters, one of whom is a bird, and really should have known better.
JACK AND THE BEANSTALK (musical version) – A character is nearly swallowed whole by another character.
Jesus! I’m sick, people! Why haven’t you tried to stop me?
Big Tall Terrible, Awesome, Scary ...
Just sent this off to David Nields. The plot for act two of our JACK AND THE BEANSTALK musical.
Hey David,
Okay, here's what I have. I think this could be pretty good. I worry that my Disney kick has influenced me too much. Oh well, they do know what they're doing ... usually.
ACT TWO
Monty enters to greet the audience. Now that the villagers have some money to spend, Monty is finally making some sales. We see him selling things to newly affluent villagers – much of it seasoning, now that they can afford food. Moments later, we see that Monty is now taking orders from none other than Cow Cow. Cow Cow is now looking tremendously pimped out and demands a large cut of Monty’s money, which he reluctantly surrenders.
Jack enters, planning his return trip up the beanstalk. Mother and Cordelia are trying to talk him out of it, but he is determined. The town is counting on him, and he needs to avenge his father. After a moment with his Mother, during which she realizes he is truly his father’s son and he has to take this chance. She leaves, in tears.
Cordelia still pleads with him. His response isn’t rude, but he clearly still sees her as a childhood playmate, even though he sees himself as a man, now. He says goodbye and starts his climb. A light shift covers his exit as Cordelia comes forward and sings a HE DOESN’T KNOW I LOVE HIM type song. When it’s done, the lights shift back and Monty and Cow Cow reenter. Cordelia immediately asks them if they have any love potions. Monty is all set to sell some, but Cow Cow will have none of it. Under duress, Monty admits that most of his magic elixirs are just herbs and spices – his “tremendous strength” formula is just hot sauce. You can’t manufacture love. Cordelia leaves. Monty and Cow Cow debate a little and we transition to …
The Giant’s castle again. His servants are scurrying about, preparing for his return. Jack bursts in. He explains why he is there and the servants tell him that the Giant has been furious about the loss of the Hen. The only thing that seems to calm him down is the Magic Harp. Jack is amazed to learn there really is a magic harp. To prove it, the servants wheel here out.
The Harp is played by the same actress who plays Cordelia. While Cordelia was distinctly a young girl, the harp is womanly and beautiful. Jack falls in love with her immediately. The Giant’s footsteps are heard and again Jack hides.
We get the “grind his bones” schtick again and the Harp offers to play. She plays and sings A LULLABY and the Giant is soon snoring.
Jack emerges and is all set to kill the Giant, but realizes that killing a sleeping person is wrong. He needs to confront the Giant and ask him why he does what he does. But he knows that the Harp belongs back down on Earth. Jack tells the Harp she’s coming with him. Blackout (since she probably can’t wheel away all that quickly).
We don’t’ see the beanstalk this time. We’re just “somewhere in town.” More schtick with Monty … probably the villagers are demanding refunds for faulty potions and Monty tells them to take it up with his business manager (Cow Cow). Jack enters with the Harp, which is now just a regular sized Harp. Everyone is happy. Cordelia enters and Jack suddenly sees her in a new light. Others leave and Jack tells Cordelia about how great the Harp is and the beautiful song it played.
The harp starts to play and Jack and Cordelia sing the same tune of the LULLABY. But clearly, it’s a love song now.
After the song, Jack explains that he needs to go back up one last time and really confront the Giant. Cordelia reluctantly agrees that this would be a good idea. Monty passes by and Jack quickly demands a strength potion. Monty fumbles a bit, but Jack is so insistent that he sells him one. Jack runs off to scale the beanstalk again.
Cordelia asks Monty if it’s true that the strength potion is just hot sauce. He admits it is. Cordelia runs off to warn Jack.
Up at the Giant’s castle, Jack is there, preparing for his confrontation. The servants are worried. Footsteps again. Jack hides, briefly. The Giant enters and can’t get past “the blood of an Englishman” before Jack comes out of hiding and introduces himself. A brief bit of banter follows and Cordelia enters. Jack asks why she’s here and she says it’s because she loves him. Jack loves her too, but the Giant interrupts, as villains do and announces plans to eat both of them. Jack demands an explanation for why the Giant does all these evil things. He scoffs and says he’s cruel just for the sake of being cruel. It’s the only thing he’s ever enjoyed. Jack tell the Giant that that’s just sad – he used to be afraid of him. Now he just thinks he’s pitiful.
This enrages the Giant He says he’ll eat them and find the beanstalk so he can return to earth and destroy the village.. Cordelia tries to get Jack to run, but Jack isn’t worried – he has the potion. Cordelia tries to tell him it’s just hot sauce but the Giant grabs Jack and swallows him (I think this can all be done with lights – tight spot for when Jack is in the Giant’s fist and blackout for when he’s swallowed.).
Full lights return and Cordelia and the servants are shocked that Jack just got swallowed when suddenly the Giant howls in pain and spits Jack out, none the worse for wear. Jack tells Cordelia he could tell the potion was hot sauce the minute he opened it, so he went with Plan B. The Giant tells them to stay there. He’ll eat them as soon as he puts out the fire. Cordelia suggests they run and this time, Jack listens.
They flee through the audience, with the Giant in hot pursuit. Lights shift and we’re back at Jack’s house. Jack and Cordelia have just come down the beanstalk. Everyone sees the Giant comign down after them. Mother brings the axe and … well, we know the rest.
The beanstalk topples. Villagers run off and bring on the Giant’s body … of course, it’s now just the size of the smallest SOS in the cast. Your fears are never as big as you think they are, once you confront them.
Jack is a true hero. He thanks the people who got him there and we all sing THE FINALE.
Yay!
To sum up …
SONGS FOR ACT TWO
Cordelia’s song about how Jack doesn’t realize she loves him
The Harp’s lullaby, which is reprised as a love song for Jack and Cordy
The Finale.
As always, this isn’t carved in stone. If you don’t want to do any of these songs, but you want to do others, lemme know.
Okay, so my three concerns are
A) Cordelia seems a little weak and clingy. Yeah, it’s brave to go up after Jack, but she doesn’t DO anything once she’s there.
B) Jack never has a last minute crisis of confidence, some final obstacle he has to overcome, psychologically, before he can go after the Giant. Should he?
C) The two (and a half) songs in act two before the finale are kinda slow. Should we open with some bigger uptempo “We’re in the Money” chorus number?
Okay. Dialogue coming soon.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Doing some research about the upcoming Transformers film (to clear up the "Is Optimus Prime the movie trailer guy?" issue), I see that Soundwave won't be in the movie, but might be in a sequel.
Um ... is he still gonna turn into a tape deck? 'Cause that's not exactly all that helpful. And somehow it doesn't seem right for a giant evil robot to turn into an I-Pod ...
Friday, April 27, 2007
Welcome Back, Rocket Rockers!
Yesterday was the last day of the "Rockin' Space Mountain" overlay at Disneyland. Since January, the ride had a modified light show and the musical score was the Red Hot Chili Peppers' version of Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground." Amanda and I thought it was great fun.
I didn't take this video. I found it on YouTube. I know a video of an amusement park ride is lame to begin with, and when the ride is in almost total darkness, even moreso. But the edit of the song is fun and soudn quality is good (presumably it wasn't recorded live, or at least not onto the camera). Though I do wonder how short the meeting was that resulted in the term "Space Stage."
Thursday, April 26, 2007
THOTS: It would have been much funnier with “No, I’m a proctologist!” anyway
Okay, so …
This is gonna be the last THOTS entry in a while. Clearly it’s time to revert to the “lotsa miniposts” format that I used in late 2004, late 2005 and May 2006. I was really hoping to go a whole year with real 500-word+ posts three or so times a week, but clearly I can’t keep that up at the moment. Far better I give you more short stuff.
So this means there will be more content, I hope, just less detailed. Not that I’ll never stray over 200 words. I’ve had some interesting adventures lately, and I’ll tell you about them … when I know their outcome.
No big blogroll changes, other that moving Matthew Nichols’ blog to its new location, Stage Climbing. Good theatre writing … and I totally agree about Frank Langella in FROST/NIXON.
Okay, enjoy the THOTS. It may be a long, long time before you see them assembled thus again.
I haven’t read enough Kurt Vonnegut to offer a proper In Memoriam, but – and I realize this is a little self serving, and apropos of nearly nothing – his daughter, Nanny Vonnegut, did co-draw the playbill artwork for the first productions of my TREASURE ISLAND adaptation and the musical EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES. So, um … thanks for that, sir.
Somewhat similarly, Kitty Carlisle is one of those people I don’t have any great appreciation for – I thought she was much, much more likable than most of the juvenile romantic leads in Marx Brothers’ movies, and seemed like a darned good game show panelist on the handful of reruns I’ve seen – but my favorite book is dedicated to her. The dedication to Act One, Moss Hart’s autobiography, and probably the best book every written about Broadway, reads “To My Wife, Kitty Carlisle. The book that she asked for.” The Carlisle/Hart marriage, was, by many reports, a peculiar one. Hart may have had not-entirely latent homosexual leanings. But there was still, clearly, a great deal of love there. Hart died in 1961 and Carlisle never remarried. Her own career was long and impressive. How many people’s résumés include “Marx Brother’s costar,” “Soloist at the Metropolitan Opera,” “20 years on New York State Council for the Arts,” and “routinely guessed which one of the three guys was the plumber who found a zebra in a toilet”? But even if “all” she had ever been was a muse, the force that directed Hart to write that book, the theatre world would still be mourning her today.
If you haven’t seen it, this is the video of Rich Little at the Correspondents’ Dinner. It is unfathomably unfunny. Endless stretches between punchlines, and the punchlines are, amazingly, even older than Little himself.
Even if you hate Colbert’s politics and thought he was rude, how can any sane human being possibly think this is better, using any definition of the word?
Speaking of which, I’ve mentioned before that a “West Wing” spec I wrote in 2001 has been oddly prescient for the show itself – it featured a Texas representative named Santos, long before the real show introduced Jimmy Smits’ character, a Texas representative named Santos. But now it seems to have a real life parallel. Another part of the plot had a school shooting occur a few days before the Correspondent’s Dinner was scheduled. In my script, they postponed the dinner. In reality, they went ahead with it, but the president didn’t do any jokes (debatably, neither did Rich Little). Kinda wish I’d never had to find out if I “got it right.”
So my new Harry Potter theory is that Regulus Black is actually a metamorphmagus – he is a distant cousin of Nymphadora Tonks, so it’s somewhere in the bloodline. And when he was believed to have died, he actually just disguised himself and gave himself the new name … Rufus Scrimgeour. Why? Well, Regulus is the brightest star in the constellation Leo and Scrimgeour is consistently described as leonine. A bit of a stretch? Yes, but better than my previous theories that Regulus was Crookshanks or that Snape was Nagini. Oh well, Rowling has said that Regulus is definitely dead, so it may all be meaningless.
Does anyone else think they might be setting up Ricky Schroder’s character to take over for Jack Bauer next season on “24”? I know Keifer Sutherland has a contract through 2009 or something, so it seems like Jack is invulnerable, but now that shows are incorporating websites, magazine ads, etc, into their overall mythology, would it be absurd to think that a press release with misleading information about a contract could be part of a big red herring? Could we be watching the adventures of Mike Doyle next season?
In general, I’m pretty decent with this whole English language thing. But for some reason, there are words to which I always add a letter or two, both in spelling and in pronunciation. The ones that come to mind are the word audible always becomes “audiable,” and lackadaisical becomes “lacksladaisical.” Do you have any of these?
Jake sent this along. Yes, it is truly bizarre. Bizarrer … I have actually seen this in stores. Yes, I go into toy stores. Are you actually surprised?
Amanda is very fond of an old Vassar sweatshirt of mine which she stole and refuses to return because “it doesn’t fit me anymore.” She was wearing it at an Oxy event the other day and someone glanced at it and said, “Alright! NASCAR!”
Allow me to introduce you to how you’ll be spending all of next week – The TV Tropes Wiki is an assemblage of clichés, stock characters and plots, etc., all given little names like “Fauxtastic Voyage” or “The Toblerone.” Fascinating stuff, in that way that it’s fascinating to read things we already knew all about given formal designations. As a wiki, there’s deep flaws … people stretch meanings, lame snarkyness abounds, etc. And there’s a huge focus on anime , which I’ve always found unwatchable, but I dare you to spend less than a half hour there.
Sometimes I love this freakin’ planet. The other day I was in a fast food place and “Celluloid Heroes” came on (“Well you can see all the stars/As you walk down Hollywood Boulevard”). A young family with a daughter who couldn’t have been older than six or seven was there. They had the following conversation:
FATHER: Have you heard this song before? I know it’s by a band you’ve heard before.
DAUGHTER: Um … The Clash?
I love this on so many levels, the obvious one being a six year old familiar with The Clash. I’m embarrassed to admit that, while I knew the song, I didn’t know it’s real title or who sung it. Do you?
Answer whited out: The Kinks … which actually makes The Clash not a bad guess.
Isn’t it weird how Dennis Miller can pronounce all those big words in his act, yet somehow, he can’t say “Ahmadinejad”? There’s no way he could possibly be doing some disingenuous pandering, is there?
I’m guessing most of you have probably seen this new video of Will Ferrell and his two-year-old landlord, but it is pretty damn funny. I was reluctant at first, because everyone was promoting it as “Will Ferrell and a foul-mouthed two year old” and I do have certain problems with teaching a toddler to swear. But it’s more or less PG and … look, it’s just damn funny.
I’m not the first person to observe this, I know, but as dearly as I love my DVR, it does sort of turn TV watching into a chore. Mine is usually 70-80 percent full and I feel obligated to keep watching stuff so I can delete it. This does mean that I sometimes look on watching TV as I look on doing dishes or household cleaning … like, I find excuses not to do it.
Sometimes I’m astounded by how people can be so disconnected from reality. In recent months, I’ve heard people make constant references to “That guy who does the voiceover for all the movie previews.”
Well, we all know who they mean, but … that guy doesn’t do voiceovers for movie trailers anymore. Well, okay, a few comedies use him for camp value but that’s it. Have people just not noticed this? Are they only seeing movie trailers from eight years ago?
Maybe some people just only pay attention for like six months at a time and then go into hibernation, assuming nothing has changed. Maybe that’s why “Survivor” is still on and thirty percent of the country still thinks Bush is doing a good job.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Even less like a fountain
It's not that I'm deliberately not blogging it's just ... I dunno, folks.
Real entries coming soon. But it's clear that I can't keep up the whole four blog thing. Sketches by Noah is clearly a goner, and I haven't put new jokes on Fountain in a month ... and I have plenty.
I think we're looking at a consolidation. That means Fountain jokes will be published here. For example ...
NOAH SMITH’S JOKES FOR PEYTON MANNING EPISODE
This Monday marked the 4th anniversary of the war in Iraq. The traditional fourth
anniversary gift is linen, which, appropriately enough, is what the US troops’ new body armor is made of.
Scholastic announced Tuesday that it had agreed to tighten environmental standards for the 7th Harry Potter book and that the paper in the books will contain at least 30 percent recycled fiber. The content of the book will, of course, still be 50 percent recycled material from JRR Tolkein.
Calvert DeForest, the actor who played Larry "Bud" Melman on David Letterman's late night show, died this week at the age of 85. He will be buried at the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska.
President Bush on Tuesday toured Ford and GM car factories to glimpse their latest hybrid cars and to pitch his alternative-energy ideas. Engineers politely informed the president that it just wasn’t practical for drivers to “Fred Flintstone” it.
Senior militia commanders in Iraq said that as many as 3000 men have left Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army to receive financing and training directly from Iran. When asked how al-Sadr feels about this, a spokesman replied “Sadr.” (Sadder)
Tom Cruise is set to star in an untitled thriller based on a failed attempt to assassinate Adolf Hitler at the height of World War II. This may be the ultimate test of Cruise’s fading popularity, to see if people will root for him … against Hitler.
McDonald's is reviving its efforts to get British dictionaries to remove the term McJob, which refers to an un-stimulating, low-paying job, saying that it demeans its workers. Also demeaning McDonald’s workers? Working at McDonald’s.
New Zealand opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, who refused to perform with an Australian singer because his female fans threw underwear at him won a lawsuit this week against her for pulling out of the concert. Lawyers for the Australian singer plan to file a brief.
Hundred of Belgians took part in a mass wedding ceremony, performed by a black registrar, to shame other couples who refused to be married by a black man. Huh … that’s odd, I thought all Belgians loved chocolate.
Banana titan Chiquita agreed to pay a 25 million dollar fine after pleasing guilty in federal court to paying protection money to Colombian terrorist groups. Said a spokesman for Chiquita, “We’re Chiquita Banana and we’re here to say … they’ll murder our families, if we don’t pay.”
Definitely not my best batch. Yes, I feel bad about the Harry Potter joke (though it is funny) and more than a little uncomfortable about the "Belgian Chocolate" one. But I can't hide a joke from you people!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I was going to give this a title that played on "I must! I must! I must increase ..." but Amy Poehler beat me to it
Now that Don Imus has been fired and there is no more racism anywhere on Earth, I think it’s time to tell … well, retell the story of my appearance on “Imus in the Morning.”
Okay, but first, briefly, on the issue.
WHY I HATE THE MEDIA ATTENTION LAVISHED ON THIS
A) With the distraction, Albert Gonzales got time to regroup and get all his lies in a row. Yep, nothing else important was happening last week. No further evidence that the White House is run like the Mafia or anything …
B) Rampant hypocrisy. Amazing how CBS and MSNBC had never noticed that Imus frequently says offensive things! The shameless way the money people went however the wind was blowing was really just grotesque … that said, I think both CBS and NBC have many, many fine programs and I would be eager to write for any of them!
C) The new countdown … until Imus gets a new show on satellite radio.
WHY I DON’T HATE ALL THE MEDIA ATTENTION LAVISHED ON THIS
A) The end of “I know this isn’t ‘Politically Correct,’ but …” Racist/sexist/homophobic assholes have been hiding behind this phrase for years. Somehow by demonizing a phrase and by defining its philosophy by it’s most extreme adherents, bigots have been able to say harmful things and get away with it. It seems like we are now able to acknowledge that words have power, that hate is combatable, and that saying “you shouldn’t say that” is vastly different from “you can’t say that.”
B) Sisters aren’t exclusively doing it for themselves. I think it’s very nice to see people sticking up for black women. Pretty much nobody ever does (watch reality TV sometime … need a villain? Guess where they look first.). You then say “what about Oprah”? Hey, Oprah’s great, but, at this point, how much does she really have in common with the average black woman?
Anyway, that out of the way, here’s my cute little story. Imus figures into it, but not really as a villain just as a dude with a radio show.
My first job out of college (after Summer Theatre) was at a small Public Relations and Marketing firm called Dera & Associates. Joe Dera had been a publicist of some importance at one of the big firms but left to strike out on his own, taking his biggest client with him. How big? Well, it was Paul McCartney, so just about as big as it gets.
I was hired as an Assistant Account Executive (though I didn’t know that had been my title until after I was downsized). Mostly this meant I cold-called rock critics to get them to review albums we were promoting. Not Paul’s albums – they got reviewed without our prodding, though I did have a box full of condolence letters from fans over Linda's recent death, sitting next to my desk. No, I was pushing things like the new album by America (title: “Still Haven’t Gotten Around to Naming That Horse”) and an album of Beatles songs arranged as a chamber music dance suite. Lemme tell you, the critics were just lining up to write about those! Especially when I called them three or four times a week …
One of our clients was Gibson Guitars. We did things like arrange their annual Hall of Fame award, given to a prominent guitarist. I think Sheryl Crow won that year, which is fine, except they’d only been doing this for a few years and had kinda skipped over people like B.B. King and Chuck Berry. This stuff always annoys me. You really can’t start handing out Lifetime Achievements to people who haven’t achieved as much in their lives as the people they probably grew up worshiping. I felt this way about Jerry Seinfeld winning “The Comedian Award” at Aspen this year. Hey, he’s great, but when Bob Newhart, Don Rickles, George Carlin, Robert Klein, etc. are still alive, don’t you kinda need to hit them first.
Gibson advertised on Imus’s radio show. They were a regular sponsor and Imus would frequently come back from commercials saying how much he’d like to have a Gibson. Well, it wasn’t too hard to figure out that if we gave him a Gibson, he’d start talking about how much he liked having one.
I lived in Queens at the time, sort of walking distance from Kaufman Astoria Studios, where Imus’s broadcast was based. It’s also where “Sesame Street” is made, and was the home to “The Cosby Show” and some other New York based TV. Way back when, it was where the Marx Brothers shot their first two movies. So it was assigned to me to deliver two electric guitars to Don Imus. The guitars were a Les Paul and a Les Paul Pee Wee. That’s a kiddie-sized guitar – fully functional – which were giving to Imus as a gift for his young son.
So I left the office that night with two guitars strapped to my back. I was amused to think that anyone looking at me got a very inaccurate idea of who I was and what I did for a living. I think I attended a play or something that night with some friends from college (ah … a time when I had friends who lived nearby and some degree of a social life … sigh), so I got to tell the story of my forthcoming adventure several times. John-Paul of the I-don’t–believe-it’s-really-dead everythingsruined blog suggested that I should call Howard Stern and ask him what he would give me if I somehow boobytrapped the guitars. John-Paul figured even a “Stern Rules” post-it note would probably be worth a thousand dollars. Well, I didn’t want to lose my job -- yet, after a few more weeks of this I realized PR was not for me and I greeted my downsizing with relief -- so I declined to do this and set my alarm for a morning trek out to Astoria.
The walk took a lot longer than I expected. I can’t recall if I gave up and hailed a cab (I have no idea how I survived back then … I was making about $300 a week after taxes and paying $600 a month in rent. I make substantially more than that now … well I do when I have a job … I haven’t had to pay rent in nearly five years, and I’m still broke). Eventually I got there, told the appropriate guard or secretary the purpose of my mission and they told me they’d pass it on the Mr. Imus.
After a while, word came back that not only could I present the guitars to Don Imus, but I could do it on the air.
Ere long I was in the studio with Don Imus and whoever his broadcasting partner was. We came back from commercial and I was on the air. I explained who I was and what I was doing there … with a reasonable amount of aplomb. Imus seemed pleased with the gift.
IMUS: Well these are great. Now we just need to get an amplifier, plug it in and crank it up to eleven.
ME: Well, I can go get one and be right back.
This got a little laugh and then, quite quickly, it was all over. He threw to another station break (or maybe it was news or weather), I mentioned that I had enjoyed the Broadway semi-play, MORE TO LOVE written by and starring Imus’s writer Rob Bartlett (and the late Dana Reeve), and I said goodbye.
When I got in to work I learned that it might not have been all that cool that I did this. Apparently the Gibson Guitar guy prefers to do his own publicity. But he was pretty cool with it. (It would have been better if I had known anything about guitars and actually had been able to say something about the gifts other than “here is a big guitar for you and a small one for your son”)
Later that day, a company that records radio shows and sells short tapes of them to people who have appeared on them called and offered to sell me copy of my appearance on the show. I thought that would be cool and took them up on the offer, not knowing it would cost something like $70, which the Deras willingly paid … though I wonder if that lead to my downsizing … I was proving to be an expensive employee.
So, yes, I have that tape somewhere and presumably Don Imus still has that guitar somewhere.
And now he has a lot more time to practice.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
... Is a bean can begin an adventure
I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but this summer Williston Summer Theatre is producing two new plays for children by me. The straight play will be THE ELVES AND THE SHOEMAKER, which should be wacky. The musical, with music and lyrics, as always, by David Nields, will be JACK AND THE BEANSTALK.
Longtime fans (or whatever) will recall that I already wrote a JACK adaptation in 1998. Unlike the musical version of my EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES script, this is not just a revision of the original script. No, I basically think that one sucks now and I'm starting nearly from scratch. Here's the email I sent Davdi today about act one.
I can't seem to find the detailed cast list I came up with. Here's a shorthand version
Jack ... our hero, young, hoping for a chance to prove himself
Jack's Mother ... Widowed at a young age, she would sacrifice anything for her son. The same actress plays the Hen Who Lays the Golden Eggs
Cordelia ... The girl next door. Jack's best friend, but he doesn't realize she's in love with him. The same actress plays the magic Harp.
Monty Banks ... The peddler. A scam artist, but not a total bastard.
Cow Cow ... Yes, this is the same character you may recall from my STONE SOUP adaptation. A total badass, who only speaks in "Moo"s.
The Giant ... Our villain. Will probably just be a voice.
Villagers/Servants of the Giant ... The roles for our chorus of children. Ah ... villagers. Can't have a fairy tale without villagers. Well, at least you can't charge parents a big chunk of money for a summer camp if there aren't villagers for their children to play!
Anyway, here's the email I sent David today.
Hey David,
Argh! I totally suck for being so slow with this. I don't know why it's taking me so long ... I've had a few things get in the way, like working as an extra and a visit from Amanda's mother, but still ...
Okay, here's a detailed plot for act one. Act two should come pretty soon.
I was thinking about the video projection for the giant, but now I wonder if it could just be a voice. YOu think?
Okay, here's what we have so far. As always, it's changable, especially if you don't like the places where I've put songs.
SONGS IN ACT ONE
"Jack the Giant Slayer"
The magic beans song
Jack’s song about going up the beanstalk
The Hen and chorus's song about the Giant
Reprise of "Jack the Giant Slayer" as act one finale
The set will require a few rolling flats or backgrounds. They needn’t be realistic, as long as they’re all consistent. Since the beanstalk will be the trickiest thing, I think we need to follow from that. However the beanstalk looks, the rest of the set should follow suit. The beanstalk itself will ideally need to be able to “grow” and “topple” once Jack chops it down. It needn’t be actually climbable.
ACT ONE
The flat representing the house of Jack and his Mother is onstage.
Monty Banks, the peddler enters and starts a sales pitch to the audience. He quickly catches on that they’re a little too smart to fall for his game. Jack and Cordelia enters and Monty tries to get Jack to buy something “for his girlfriend.” Embarrassed, he tells him she’s just his friend. Monty goes into another pitch and quickly a crowd gathers. He’s pitching rapidly and quickly sees that this town is a little different from other places. You see they’re under a curse.
The crowd explains that years ago the town was happy and prosperous, until it was menaced by a giant named Blunderbore. He stole their gold and the two great treasures – an Enchanted Harp and a Hen that Lays Golden Eggs. They had only one choice – call in Jack the Giant Slayer.
This leads us into a song as Jack, Cordelia, and the villagers (possibly joined by the actress who will later play Cow Cow) sing about “JACK THE GIANT SLAYER.” Through this song, we learn that JTGS was known for killing Giants and took up residence in the town to fight Blunderbore. JTGS managed to drive him away, up into the sky, but he lost his life in the process. So now the town is better off with no direct Giant presence, but now that he’s in the clouds above, the crops won’t grow and, of course, all the gold is gone.
As soon as Monty hears the part about there being no gold in town, he’s ready to leave. But they warn him that the next town is miles away. He’s better off spending the night. He reluctantly agrees and asks one more question – is young Jack named after Jack the Giant Slayer. Jack says yes, in fact, most baby boys in the village are named Jack, after the town’s hero. We are quickly introduced to other Jacks, all of whom have some sobriquet (Jack the Mower of Lawns, Jack the Stitcher of Clothes, etc). But our hero, Jack, doesn’t have one. He explains that he’s never done anything worthwhile – nothing that’s earned him a name.
Monty asks if there’s any place to eat. He’s told no, but maybe he could trade some of his wares for food. He quickly starts to pitch his wares in barter for food.
Jack’s Mother enters and quickly scatters the crowd and Monty. Cordelia politely says goodbye. Mother can tell that Cordelia likes Jack a lot, but Jack is pretty dense about it. Mother explains that they are now completely broke. Jack offers to find some sort of a job – he’s tried several times, but nothing seems quite right for him. Every time he finds something he’s sort of good at, there’s someone else who’s better. He feels like there’s something he’s supposed to do, something he’s perfect for, but he doesn’t know what it is. Mother is sympathetic, clearly she would sacrifice anything for her son. She mentions that he reminds her of his late father. Jack asks – and he clearly has asked many times before – about his father, but his Mother won’t tell him.
She does say that the time has come to sell the family cow. They don’t worry too much about Cow Cow … she can fend for herself, but Jack realizes how bad things really are. Jack takes Cow Cow to market.
After a little good old fashioned Cow Cow schtick, Monty shows up again and is VERY interested in buying some potential hamburger. Jack tries to get some money from him, but he says he has something better. This leads to a song called “MAGIC BEANS.”
The song convinces Jack, who trades the cow for the beans. It quickly becomes apparent that Cow Cow will not be turned into food anytime soon, though Monty is going to learn that the hard way.
Jack shows his Mother the beans and, well, the rest is history.
Lights shift to nighttime and amid some appropriate BEANSTALK GROWING MUSIC, the Beanstalk grows.
The next morning, Cordelia comes by and sees the beanstalk. She wakes up Jack and they both freak out. (THIS COULD BE A SONG, TOO, BUT WE MAY BE OVERDOING IT) They’re excited A) that there are a lot of beans B) that something so unusual has happened in town C) that this could be a way up to the clouds, so maybe somebody could climb up and take care of the Giant. Cordelia suggests that maybe it could even be Jack.
Mother quickly enters, and freaks out even more – the Giant could use the stalk to climb down, too. She gets Jack and old axe belonging to his father and tells Jack to cut down the stalk right now.
Mother goes and Jack is disappointed about his lost opportunity. He sings “A SONG ABOUT HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO CLIMB THE BEANSTALK” (I don’t know if Cordelia is still there or not. She could be if you want this to be a duet) But he is resigned to chopping it down. Suddenly he (or maybe Cordelia) notices something inscribed on the axe. This axe belonged to Jack the Giant Slayer and that means … Our hero is the son of Jack the Giant Slayer!
Jack calls his Mother and demands an explanation. She tells him the story she’s kept secret all these years – she and Jack Sr. lived a nomadic life, saving towns from Giants. But they knew Blunderbore would be the toughest giant ever, so they settled down in this town an prepared for a long battle. Soon, Jack Jr. was born, right around the time Jack Sr. lost his life driving Blunderbore into the sky. She never told Jack the truth because she was afraid he would go off seeking revenge and she would lose him, too.
Well, she was right about one thing – Jack wants revenge. And now that he knows Giant slaying is in his blood, he knows he HAS to climb up the beanstalk. Over objections from his Mother, he does.
Freeze or balckout, or some transition. We do a little schtick with Cow Cow abusing Monty as he tries to kill and eat her. When that is done we’re …
In the Giant’s castle in the clouds. An ornate but spooky palace. The Hen Who Lays the Golden Eggs is there, acting as head servant. She and the servants bustle around, trying to make the place ready for Blunderbore, who is soon to return from a busy day of Gianting.
The door swings open and it’s Jack. He says he’s here to see the Giant. Jack is trying to act tough, but this just makes everyone laugh. Jack demands he be allowed inside, but they block him. The tell him he would be a fool to face Blunderbore. Then he mentions that he is the son of Jack the Giant Slayer. This gives everyone pause, some of them think maybe he could face Blunderbore. But the Hen tells them they’re being ridiculous – this is just a kid. Jack is sure he can do it. She begins a “SONG ABOUT THE GIANT” sung with the servants.
Jack is still unconvinced – just how big can this Giant be, anyway … seven feet? (This can be moved to earlier if you want lyrics about how tall the Giant is) No, he’s bigger.
Loud sound effects indicate the approach of the Giant, who is hundreds of feet tall. Quickly the servants hide Jack in a trunk or something. The Giant enters and there is some brief dialogue before we get into Fee Fi Fo Fum. The Hen and the servants assure him there is no Englishman around. He is suspicious, so the Hen offers to lay a Golden Egg for him. This mollifies the Giant and the Hen does so, though it clearly takes a lot out of her. She is exhausted, but the Giant immediately orders another. The servants try to convince him to back off, but he threatens them. The Hen agrees to do it and it nearly kills her. The Giant is sleepy now and goes to bed.
Jack emerges, newly terrified of the Giant and amazed by the Hen’s sacrifice. She says she can lay one egg a day easily, but lately the Giant has wanted four or five and it’s killing her. Jack offers to take the Hen back home with him. The servants think this is a great idea, but she worries what would happen to them without her. They assure her the Magic Harp could calm the Giant down. Jack insists and they depart, with a large bag full of golden eggs.
More schtick with Monty and Cow Cow to cover the transition and we’re back at Jack’s house. His Mother is waiting for him and Cordelia is trying to calm her down. Jack arrives (he is carrying the hen now, but she’s the size of a regular hen – a toy or a puppet). His mother is so glad to see him she can’t quite yell at him for going. Jack has leared a lot about how much she has sacrificed for him and tries to express it. Soon, the townsfolk arrive and Jack shows them that he has brought back the Hen That Lays the Golden Eggs … he notices that she’s smaller than she seemed up above, but no one minds. He quickly hands out eggs to everyone, who is overjoyed. He now plans to chop down the beanstalk, but the townsfolk object. Their magic harp is still up there and besides, now that Jack has proven his bravery, he should finish the job his father started and slay the Giant. This leads to a reprise of “JACK THE GIANT SLAYER” now about how young Jack is the new Giant slayer. This takes us to intermission with Jack’s realization that if he’s going to be the Giant slayer, he has to slay the giant.
Act two soon! I hope!
Monday, April 09, 2007
Hopping Down the Bunny Trail
Amanda's mother, Doyne,was in town this weekend and on Saturday we took in a peculiar Los Angeles insitution, the Blessing of the Animals.
(it’s absurd, now it takes me three days to put up a freaking photo entry)
Every year, the day before Easter, people bring their pets to Olvera St, which is the center of Old Los Angeles, basically the original city. And the Cardinal of Los Angeles blesses them.
It's very cute, though I think some of the mystique of blessing with Holy Water is lost when it is carried out Super Sloppy Double Dare Style.
Anyway, here are photos. Look for the special celebrity cameo.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Audience Participation Day Responses: Who Would Win in a Fight Edition
Popeye vs. The Hulk
Popeye. He would spew spinach from his pipe and blind The Hulk, then pummel him
during the momentary confusion.
Carolyn 03.30.07 - 12:24 pm #
Hmm … I’ve never seen him use the spinach itself as a weapon, but … why not?
The Hulk. There's a finite amount of spinach to be found, but infinite amount
of anger. Especially 'cause that speechsk impedimenstks is fuskinsk
annoyinsk.
Ross Homepage 03.30.07 - 2:22 pm #
the hulk. . .in one punch -- he's so angry.
shaygo Homepage 04.02.07 - 10:08 am #
Yeah, but what’d Popeye do to get Hulk so mad? “Hulk smash funny-arm sailor!”
Popeye could probably beat Hulk Hogan, but not The Hulk.
k8 Homepage
04.02.07 - 11:39 am #
Well, at this point, Wimpie could probably take out Hulk Hogan, but …
Hulk. No contest. He is a mean, green fighting machine.
I'm no longer at Crabdaddy's by the way. I've left livejournal to join you here at blogspot.
Cheers!
Matthew J. Nichols Homepage 04.02.07 - 3:54 pm #
Thanks. I shall make the change.
p.s. somoene recently told me that if I had green skin I'd be She-Hulk. Do you
think SHE could beat Popeye??
k8 Homepage 04.04.07 - 10:52 am #
Let’s take this bit by bit.
A) I saw the debate over at your blog and yes, you should definitely take this as a compliment. Marvel has used She-Hulk as a cheesecake pinup for years.
B) You would be a pretty good She-Hulk, 
though, as you see from above, no actual human woman could match those proportions. Start with her being about seven feet tall and work from there.
C) It depends on how much power we’re assuming the spinach gives Popeye. If it brings him near the Hulk’s class, She-Hulk probably wouldn’t survive either. That said, Popeye is attracted to Olive Oyl, so I imagine the site of a woman with such a non Oylish figure might give him a heart attack.
She could kick the crap out of Olive Oyl, that's for sure.
Hank 04.04.07 -
3:45 pm #
Yeah, but so could Weezie Mason.
The Hulk, hands down.
pfft...popeye.
Mr. Rhodes Homepage 04.04.07 - 4:11 pm #
See, I’m not so sure. Yes, the Hulk has knocked gods silly and held up mountains. But even at his highest point of rage, have his biceps turned into functioning TNT factories? Has he ever punched a charging bull so hard he turned into a series of steaks and chops, all labeled for your convenience? And Popeye was always punching Bluto out of his clothes. Dear lord, what if Popeye punched the Hulk out of his tattered purple pants? I always assumed those were the source of all his power!
Barak Obama vs. Barak, the Earl of Trellheim from David Eddings' The Belgariad (okay, I know no one else will understand this, but ...)
Obama, because he is the messiah.
Carolyn 03.30.07 - 12:25 pm #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I know no one else will understand this"
Au contraire, mon dreadful
bear.
Ross Homepage 03.30.07 - 2:21 pm #
Thanks for bearing (ahem) with me during this one. For explanation of who this character is, look here.
As much as I like and admire the Junior Senator from Illinois, I think I kinda have to go with the seven-foot, broadsword-wielding Viking who occasionally turns into a bear.
Inspector Gadget vs. Gizmoduck
Cyborg.
Ross Homepage 03.30.07 - 2:23 pm #
Okay, what about Steve Austin, though?
inspector gadget -- he has penny on his side. . .
shaygo Homepage 04.02.07 -
10:18 am #
This brings me to something that sticks in my craw about Hollywood. I didn’t see the Inspector Gadget movie. But it seems like the people making it thought it was based on a TV show about a guy with a lot of wacky gadgets built into his body. WRONG. It was about a bumbling idiot who always conquers evil because he’s aided by his 11-year-old niece and her dog. The gadgets are coincidental. Were Penny and Brain even IN the movie? Argh.
Anyhoo, this was a pretty lame matchup, I know. I was pretty much done with “Ducktails” by the time Gizmoduck showed up anyway.
Karl Rove vs. Mr. Smee from Peter Pan
*Snort*
Definitely Rove b/c he plays dirty. Awesome comparison, though.
Carolyn 03.30.07 - 12:26 pm #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thing is that in many ways the Bush/Rove relationship is inversely related
to the Hook/Smee relationship. So Rove, but in all fairness it would be Smee
kickin' dubya's flight-suit wearing ass.
Ross Homepage 03.30.07 - 2:24
pm #
Yes, true. Rove is hardly the bumbling comic second-in-command. I’m trying to think of someone in popular fiction where the top villain was a fool and the nominal sidekick was really pulling the strings (Hook and Smee are both idiots, but I can’t imagine Smee doing much on his own). Happens often enough with good guys – the above Gadget/Penny, Sylvester and his son, Fred and Barney, etc. – but I can’t think of a bad guy corollary, and I’m pretty sure most people reading my blog at this point don’t exactly find Bush/Rove heroic.
rove
shaygo Homepage 04.02.07 - 10:18 am #
Yes, obviously. Perhaps a better comparison would have been Smee and Toadwart from Gummybears.
Jack Bauer vs. Sydney Bristow
I don't know, but can I watch?
Carolyn 03.30.07 - 12:31 pm #
Yeah, sounds pretty freakin’ awesome, huh?
Sydney, but only because she'd be battling for my affections. Too bad,
though--I'm taken!
Sorry what were you asking?
Ross Homepage
03.30.07 - 2:25 pm #
I was asking how your wife’s job search is going.
Or maybe I was suggesting that all this time she’s allegedly going out for job interviews she may actually be on globe-hopping espionage missions to retrieve ancient artifacts!
Sydney would certainly look hotter doing it. Doesn't that count for something?
k8 Homepage 04.02.07 - 11:38 am #
It counts for everything!
Sidney. And she'd wear a gold lame bikini while doing it.
Hey Pretty
Homepage 04.06.07 - 4:49 pm #
Razzle dazzle!
Okay, Amanda and I have discussed this in depth because we have very little social life. We both think that in a straight up fight, unarmed, Sydney probably has more martial arts training than Jack and would win. That said, we both think Jack might win in a more complex situation. If somehow Jack could threaten one of Jack’s loved ones, Sydney would crumple. But even if Kim’s life were in danger, jack would soldier on if he thought it would help the country. (Yeah, and Kim dying wouldn’t help the country …)
Syler from “Heroes” vs. The Monster from “Lost”
Oh dear lord, I hope it's the Monster.
Ross Homepage 03.30.07 - 2:25 pm #
Me too, and the Monster seems to find the evil in people, which would make fighting Syler like doing a beginner-level Sudoku.
That said, the Monster got stopped but a freaking sonic fence this week, so now I don’t know what to believe.
Albus Dumbledore vs. Gandalf
Now this is a really tough one. On the one hand, Voldemort is no Sauron, but
then again Sauron was by no means scared of Gandalf.
Also in the movies Gandalf seemed much less of a wizard (less that kick-ass fight with Saruman), so if you take that version you probably have to presume there's less magic involved when there should be more.
Also can't forget the Balrog. Holy shit that was an amazing fight. And we don't know exactly how Dumbledore comes back from the dead to compare the two.
But honestly, no matter how much I try to actually consider this, it feels silly. Gandalf is the standard bearer.
Gotta go with him.
Ross Homepage 03.30.07 - 2:32 pm #
Yes, there’s a lot to be said for that. That said, could Merlin beat either of them?
Rowling has said that Dumdledore won't "pull a Gandalf"and come back to life, but I dunno ...
Gandolph -- he cuddles with evil in a way that Dumbledore doesn't -- but, to be
honest, I don't think they would ever find themselves on opposite sides of the
same problem.
shaygo Homepage 04.02.07 - 10:20 am #
True, I imagine they’d be more likely to enjoy some pipeweed and discuss comparative elves.
Ross’s point is a good one. That’s why I’m glad Superman beat Thor in JLA/Avengers, even though, realistically (?) Thor’s magic nature should have given him the edge. I mean, okay, but it’s freakin’ Superman!
Still, Dumbledore is pretty frequently called the most powerful wizard alive. Gandalf was still “gray” until book two.
Dick Cheney vs. Bugs Bunny
Bugs would tie Cheney's shotgun in a knot so that it would backfire and
shoot HIM in the face. If we're lucky.
Carolyn 03.30.07 - 12:28 pm #
When Bugs is involved, we’re always lucky.
Bugs Bunny -- he's a master of disguise and smarter than Dick.
shaygo
Homepage 04.02.07 - 10:23 am #
Wouldn’t it be weird if we learned that Bin Laden had been hiding all this time by disguising himself as a woman or an Italian barber or something?
Bugs would probably find a way to wangle himself into the Undisclosed Location,
but he'd probably get shot (simply b/c Cheney thought he was hunting Daffy).
k8 Homepage 04.02.07 - 11:40 am #
“I have a rabbit in my undisclosed location” is a common complaint to proctologists in certain neighborhoods.
This is a toughy. Obviously Cheney is packing the same kind of ineffective gun
as Elmer Fudd, given that he can shoot an old man at point blank range, and all
that happens is it looks like he put on blackface.
On the other hand,
Bugs' bag of tricks normally works on tricking his opponents into moments of
unguarded sympathy or playing on their other human emotions. Which clearly would
not work on the Veep.
I think I've gotta go with Cheney, sad to say. No
matter what Bugs tries, he'd just unilaterally declare it "rabbit season."
Ross Homepage 04.02.07 - 1:08 pm #
Furthermore, he’d say we weren’t supporting the troops if we declared the cartoon was over and ran the “that’s all folks” crawl.
Still, I gotta go Bugs, for most of the reasons above, though if somehow Michael Jordan got involved, the whole matrix could get thrown out of whack.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight ...
BELLBOY: Hey! You're Wonder Woman! I'm your biggest fan! Is that the magic lasso that makes people tell the truth?
(WONDER WOMAN throws lasso around
BELLBOY)
BELLBOY: I'm looking at your breasts.
WONDER WOMAN: I'll take care of this guy. You
two enjoy your honeymoon.
BELLBOY: (As Wonder Woman leads him away)
Please! Spank me!
TARZAN: (He has also dropped by to wish Lois and Clark well, and to chastize me
for writing a sketch with no punchline) Tarzan good. Jane good. Boy having trouble at school. Other kids tease. Say "My dad lawyer. Your dad live in tree, swing from vine, talk to monkey!" Why kids so cruel?
If there's any justice in the world, I'll be writing for "Heroes" next season and meet him and ... he'll have no idea what I'm talking about.
