Weird discovery of the day -- Remember that really, really bad movie Boat Trip, where Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Horatio Sanz are two straight guys who find themselves on a gay cruise? Turns out the ship they used for all the exteriors was the MV Universe, the sister ship of the Explorer. They showed the movie in the cabins last night. It's an exact lookalike. Really weird.

We dock in Miami tomorrow ... and that's the end of the journey. It's been a hell of a ride.

But I understand why they didn't tell us about Boat Trip until the end of the voyage. It might have sent people diving overboard if they told us sooner.
- posted by Noah @ 5:26 PM

 
Panama Lovey


Hey everybody.

So the trip is almost over. We’ll dock in Miami on the ninth and fly home to LA on the twelfth. There is much tearful and joyful reflection going on aboard the MV Explorer at the moment, as you would expect.

But before we dock, we have to go through the Panama Canal. Yes, a man, a plan, a canal, etc. And guess what? You can watch us do it!

Yep, there is a 24/7 webcam on the Canal and that means you can watch our ship go by. It will take hours, so I certainly don’t expect any of you would want to watch for more than a minute or two, but if you have time, here’s when and where to look.

The website is http://www.pancanal.com/eng/photo/camera-java.html

There are several different cameras for the different locks of the canal. Here’s our schedule

ALL TIMES ARE PANAMA TIME, WHICH IS EQUIVALENT TO CENTRAL DAYLIGHT TIME

WE'RE DOING THIS ON TUESDAY, MAY 6

(presumably there is a great chance of change and rescheduling, but these are pretty big windows, so maybe you can catch us)

Mira Flores locks: Arriving 7:40, Departing 8:50
Pedro Miguel: Arriving 10:00, Departing 10:40
Passing by Gamboa: 1:30
Gatun locks: Arriving 2:50, Departing 5:10
ETD Cristobal: 6:40

Okay, so, there you go. Here’s what the Explorer looks like.



Yeah, it looks a lot like other cruise ships. Ours is the one where the median age isn’t 70.
- posted by Noah @ 12:13 AM

 
Haiku?
Hai!
Coo'!

Well, the voyage is winding down. We dock in Costa Rica the day after tomorrow and then, after a zip through the Panama Canal, we get off the ship in Miami on May 9th, and don't get back on.

While I definitley think it's time to call it a semester, I'm sorry to see a lot of this life go. Last night we had our second and final coffee house of the year. I didn't MC this time, but did do abut eight minutes on stage and ended with a reading of all the haiku I've written about the ports we've visited. I've shared some of these with you before, but here they are, all together.



SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO

Such colorful doors
Sparkling lights in the water
Where is the K-Mart?

explanation -- since this was our first stop, many students spent most of their time buying up all the things they forgot to pack -- toiletries, snacks, etc. The way they talked about it, you'd think the famous especial azul was one of the major tourist attractions of the island.


SALVADOR, BRAZIL

in Brazil, I went to Carnaval, visited Iguassu Falls, and ate food sold by street vendors

Capoeira, cool!
That is a big waterfall
Since then, toilet time


ON MY SAFARI IN SOUTH AFRICA

So many pictures
Of wild animal’s asses
As they turn away


TO THE PEOPLE OF MAURITIUS

Your island is nice
But you need to get over
Losing the Dodo


A QUESTION ABOUT HINDUISM, AND IN PARTICULAR GANESH, THE GOD OF REMOVING OBSTACLES, BROUGHT UP BY MY TIME IN INDIA

Could Ganesh remove
The obstacle of hawkers
In front of my bus?


SOMETHING I LEARNED WHILE SHOPPING IN MALAYSIA

In a country with
Buddhists, Hindus, and Muslims
Baby Milo is god.




This little guy is EVERYWHERE in Malyasia. I know nothing about him other than his name and that he is a "bathing ape."



- posted by Noah @ 12:14 PM

 
I'll take you to the candy shop

Hey, I gave you the plot for THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, but not for the other show this summer, the musical version of HANSEL AND GRETEL with music and lyrics, as always, by David Nields. Here's what I sent David a month or so ago ...



So here’s a rough outline of what I’m thinking of for HANSEL AND GRETEL. As always, anything is negotiable.

SETTING

Bavaria, the 1800s or earlier. NO ACCENTS!

CHARACTERS
· Hansel – The do-er of the two. Brave, impetuous, easily bored and frustrated. Learns in the end that he can use his brains, too.

· Gretel – The more cerebral of the two, and the more cautious. Much more likely to obey rules and listen to authority figures. Just as Hansel finds he can be smart, Gretel learns she can be courageous.

(I know these are traditional gender stereotypes I’m reinforcing here, and, yes, that bothers me a little. But since they both learn they can be the other way … I dunno, what do you think? Maybe more importantly, what do Susan and the girls think?)

· Mr. Schultz and Mrs. Schultz – Well, technically it’s Doctor and Doctor, since they’re both dentists. Rather square and rigid, but they care about their children deeply. Fairly small roles. Probably non-singing.

· Witch – No name yet. She might not need one. Pretty standard bad guy at the moment. I’ll try to give her more layers. Maybe a little more ridiculous than some of our recent bad guys (Morgan Le Fey, Triskaidex, etc.)

· Two Gingerbread People –Schneeball and Pfeffernusse. These are the Witch’s reluctant henchmen (or women, I’ll write them gender neutral … I assume you’ll cast women, of course). Comic relief. Sort of a Laurel and Hardy/Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Stoppard version) team. They turn good in the end.

· The chorus will be students at Hansel and Gretel’s school and forest animals, especially birds. There may be room for a Lead Student role.

SET
Hmm … well, we’re gonna need some pieces. Like, you can’t really tell this story without a Gingerbread House. And, even though the Witch doesn’t get pushed into the oven in this version, I want the audience to think she could be … and there’s another big appliance she DOES get pushed into and … well, you had amazing sets last year, so I assume your people will rise to any challenge.

PLOT

It’s a beautiful spring day. To Gretel, this means it’s a perfect day for their routine, for Hansel it’s a shame that they’re stuck in the routine on such a nice day. This could be a song … if it’s not, then we go quite a while before we get any singing. Anyway, once their characters have been established, H&G scamper off.

Schneeball and Pfeffernusse enter, being chased by birds who are trying to eat them. Luckily, the two Gingerbread People have a large can of bird repellant. They bicker a bit until they are interrupted by the Witch. She has sent them out here to lure children to her gingerbread house in the woods. Her powers are limited away from the house, or she’d just grab kids here. All the bad nastiness of the witch is on display. She leaves. The S&P wince at this and reluctantly exit to go do it.

Some sort of scene shift, maybe just a curtain opening, and we’re at H&G’s school on career day. One student’s parent works at a chocolate factory and has given free samples. This is a big hit, but then Dr. and Dr. Schultz come up and talk about dental hygiene, to Hansel’s great embarrassment. This ends quickly (somehow) and eventually the kids are on their own, enjoying the chocolate. But H&G’s parents won’t let them gorge. This drives Hansel practically berserk. The parents leave and Schneeball and Pfeffernusse enter, in trenchcoats to hide their baked-good nature. They sing a SONG about this cool Gingerbread House in the woods. This gets all the kids (who sing along) excited. Their work done, the Gingerbreadlings leave.

Hansel wants to leave immediately to go find it. Gretel thinks this is insane and convinces the other kids not to go. They all head home, but Hansel remains determined. He sets out into the woods. Gretel follows, dropping pebbles behind.

There may need to be some scene in the middle here, but somehow Gretel gets Hansel to double back, using the trail of pebbles (I think there might be some music and lighting thing to accompany the pebbles dropping). The two kids wind up back at home. Their parents are a little upset at them for running off but tell them to come in for a healthy dinner, starting with some whole grain bread. Hansel takes off again, this time making sure Gretel can’t do the pebble trick. She follows, this time using breadcrumbs. But, sure enough, the birds from before come in and start eating the breadcrumbs.

Scene shift to the woods. H&G are totally lost. There might be a song here about being lost in the woods, maybe something with animal sounds. They fight a bit about Hansel’s selfishness. When all looks bleak, they find the gingerbread house.

They start eating it right away and, of course, the Witch shows up. At first she is friendly and invites them in. Here’s the place for the “I Love Kids” song. Is this going to be a double entendre kinda deal? Anyway, she’s pretending to be nice, but by the end of the song, she has Hansel in a cage and Gretel trapped somehow, too.

Blackout and new scene. The Gingerbread people are trying to apologize for tricking the kids. They go on about how, sure, they’re about to be killed and eaten, but at least they’re in a neat gingerbread house. They show off some cool features like the machine the witch used to make them – human-sized sentient gingerbread men, and a big cauldron full of molasses so sticky it’s invisible, because light won’t bounce off it.

The Witch enters. Her plan is to let Hansel stay in the cage and fatten up, but she realizes Gretel is too smart to eat all the food she’s been providing so she’ll have to eat her now before she loses too much weight. She starts up the oven, but has trouble with the pilot light and crawls partway in. This is Gretel’s big chance to push the Witch into the oven and escape, but she can’t do it. The Witch sees what she was trying to do and gloats. Gretel hurls some cinnamon into the Witch’s eyes, temporarily blinding her. Hansel thinks she’ll try to rescue him, but she just flees.

The Witch is enraged, but laughs at how Gretel abandoned her brother. Hansel is dismayed. Schneeball and Pfeffernusse take us into intermission.

(If you can think of a way to make this act one finale musical, I’m all ears)

Act two opens in the witch’s place. She is still blind from the cinnamon, but getting better. She checks to see if Hansel is gaining weight, but he tricks her by using a broomstick and his jacket to make himself seem bony. The Witch is frustrated and leaves. Lights up on Gretel, lost in the woods. She and Hansel do a sad long-distance duet, something like “Somewhere Out There” from An American Tail, only this song would ideally not make you want to kill yourself.

We’re just in the woods now and the Witch has sent Schneeball and Pfeffernusse out to get more kids but she’s being so abusive that as soon as she leaves, they decide to quit. They run into Gretel and after convincing her they’re good now, they sing a Cheer Up type song. (We also have a callback to the bird repellent from before, since we’ll be using that again, soon)

Gretel is a little less hopeless now, but she knows she needs help. But who should show up but her parents and all the kids. They’ve been looking for her and Hansel for days. Gretel suddenly has a plan to rescue Hansel.

At the witch’s house, Witch’s eyes are back to normal, she sees Hansel has been faking. She prepares to eat him when the G’bread peeps show up. Putting Gretel’s plan into motion, they try to distract the Witch with a new recipe for preparing children. The plan almost works, but the Witch catches on. Everyone runs in but she floods the house with her invisible molasses, sticking everyone to the spot.

She preheats the oven (higher, now to cook everyone). The family realizes that Hansel has been smart and Gretel has been brave, proving how much they’ve learned from each other … not that it seems to matter much.

Witch pulls Gretel free to eat her right away. Hansel and Gretel hatch a plan – since the G’bread duo don’t work for her anymore she’ll need new assistants to help with the cooking.

The Witch agrees and pulls out her G-men maker. Again, Gretel has the chance to push the Witch into an appliance and this time she does. Much cheering.

They let in animals to eat the molasses and set them free. Gretel feels bad about killing the Witch but it turns out she’s not dead. The Gingerbread device opens up and the Witch comes out, turned into a gingerbread person. The birds chase after her, since she has no bird repellent.

Parents suggest celebration, and even cake and candy. But H&G have had enough of that – they want broccoli and whole grain rice. Finale, a song perhaps called “Life is Sweet.”

Okay, I think this is viable … maybe a little sketchy in act two. The morality of pushing the Witch into a fiery death is a little questionable (that scene in the Sweeney Todd movie was just CREEPY!). But I think this’ll work.

Just to recap, the places where songs could go, as I see it are …

1. An intro song, like “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” to establish H&G’s characters (maybe)
2. The song where Schneeball and Pfeffernusse tell the kids about the Gingerbread House
3. A lost in the woods with wild animals song (maybe)
4. “I Love Kids” sung by the Witch pretending to be nice (unless you already have an idea for this some other way)
5. Maybe not sung, but something musical to end act one … maybe a brief reprise of the Gingerbread House song?
6. The “Somewhere Out There” type song
7. The Cheer-Up song the Gingerbreadies sing to Gretel
8. The finale, possibly called “Life is Sweet.”

Whaddya think? Doable? I’m gonna plot out HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT next, before I start the real script, unless you want a major re-do on this one.

Thanks!

Noah
- posted by Noah @ 12:39 PM

 
I quite like this artwork for an upcoming production of my RAPUNZEL script in South Carolina, produced by the Aiken Community Playhouse ... as far as I know, it's unaffiliated with Clay Aiken.





- posted by Noah @ 3:09 PM

 








Do you see the brilliance of this? Melted marshmallows on a stick of chocolate-covered cookie? It's ... it's ... it's so beautiful I'm not sure the universe will allow it.

It might take some doing. Pocky is short, so you'll need to be careful not to burn hands or fingers during roasting. And of course the chocolate will melt, which is kind of the point, but it will be messy.

For many reasons, it might be wise to use mini-marshmallows.



That brings a greater challenge when it comes to spearing the 'smallows, but, dammit, it's still worth the effort.

Nice to have something to look forward to, once the voyage is over.
- posted by Noah @ 7:37 PM

 
We had an auction for charity on the ship the other night. As I have done for auctions in the past, I offered to name a character in a future script after the highest bidder.

In college, about eleven years ago, this netted between 10-15 dollars. Seemed about right.

But in this auction, with $10 set as the opening bid, the first bidder immediately leapt to fifty. It got up to sixty before closing, at which point I offered to name characters after both high bidders for $55 each.

But ... geez! 55 dollars to get a character named after you in something you might never even read, let alone see produced. Holy crap.

But here's the thing, that was, by far, one of the cheapest items of the evening. Three cans of soda went for $55. The map that has been in Purser's Square, charting our voyage -- sentimental value, yes, but just a paper map with pencil marks on it -- went for over 600 dollars.

The auction, overall, raised $20,000. It's all for worthwhile charities, but I'm still amazed how much money these kids have to throw around. Not everyone, of course. I imagine 90% of the bidding was done by about 10% of the ship's population, but, still ... crickey.

A few of the items were worth it -- many people offered overnight stays in their houses, which were in desirable tourist destinations. Even the few of these that went for over a thousand were for several people, and probably add up to less than you'd spend for a nice hotel for four or five days. But, still ...

I've been justifying it this way. When you donate $200 to NPR and get a totebag, nobody says "I can't believe you spent 200 dollars on a totebag!" But this isn't exactly the same ...

If you've been following the travel blog, you'll see that the time I loved these kids most was during Sea Olympics and the time I despised them the most was on my Taj Mahal trip. But this is definitley my most ambiguous, head scratching interaction with them to date.
- posted by Noah @ 9:52 PM