Wow! I haven't posted anything all decade! Time to write ... something about the last decade ...
Things We Actually Said in the '00s
Dane Cook is so funny!
I’m not a doctor, why would I ever need a cell phone?
It’s so much faster to look up a number in the Yellow Pages than online!
George W. Bush is a uniter, not a divider!
There’s no way Tina Fey’s backstage-at-SNL show will do better than Aaron Sorkin’s backstage-at-SNL show!
I’m a grown man, why would I ever listen to Justin Timberlake?
iPods cost that much and they don’t even come with music already on them? No way am I buying one of those!
Lindsay Lohan is going to be such a huge star!
Zach Braff is the next big thing!
We’ll be welcomed as liberators!
I’m a little surprised I qualified for this mortgage, but, sure, I’ll sign. Why not?
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Best of the Zips
Hope everyone had a good holiday. Mine was pleasantly low key and is winding down now, quite nicely. Now that we have a Wii, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised how Mario-intensive the gifts I received tended to trend. But opening Nintendo product after Nintendo product on Christmas morning, I couldn’t help but think “Wow, is it 1987 again?”
Anyway, we are now in the last gasps of this decade. If I’d had this blog ten years ago, I would have been compiling lengthy Best of the 90s lists of movies, TV, and music. As it was, I was definitely buying any magazine that promised such a list. And I would have been shocked if you told me that in 2009 I would have had very little interest in doing the same for the ’00s.
But I don’t. For one reason, this was a truly shitty decade. Not so much in culture – in fact, despite the over-corporatization of everything, this was a pretty good decade for entertainment, especially TV (I don’t care for Reality TV, but its creation did tend to leave only higher-quality scripted material on the air. Sure, we had however many seasons of “According to Jim” but in the 80s there were a dozen sitcoms of that quality that ran for years). But otherwise, this decade will be remembered for fear, war, and division. I’m rather glad to see it go.
(Personally, this decade was very nice, what with the whole “getting married and traveling around the world” thing, but this blog isn’t about me … oh, wait, no, it’s entirely about me … well, anyway … )
The other reason I’m not so much into the lists is I am aware now how little I know. I have genuinely no idea how good or bad most art is. Yes, sometimes it’s obvious, but often it is not. I won’t doubt you if you tell me Syriana or The Constant Gardner were great movies. But they both bored the bejesus out of me. And this is the thing, people constantly confuse “I like this” with “this is good” and, the opposite, “I hate this” with “this is bad.” We all like things that are objectively bad, and we all dislike things that are objectively good.
So these lists are not of the best TV and movies of this decade. They are My Favorites. I think I have decent taste but this is not about quality, this is about the pleasure I received.
MOVIES
When a movie works, you should walk out feeling like you’ve truly EXPERIENCED something. So this is the list of movies I saw between 2000 and 2009 that really made me feel like I had had an experience, been on a journey, been given a new way of thinking.
- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
- Knocked Up
- Finding Nemo
- Anchorman
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
- Borat
- Ocean’s 11
Yeah, that’s pretty much it. There were other movies I liked a lot or admired as works of art or craftsmanship, but I think this list consists of the only ones that really transported me. Oh, believe me, these are all flawed movies, but they all grabbed me in ways that no other movies this decade did. Most are just entertainment, and the comedies don’t aspire to artistic heights (except possibly the satire of Borat), but when you buy a ticket, you want a ride, and these movies took me for a ride unlike any other.
Underrated comedies: School of Rock, Love Actually
Underrated sequel: Mission Impossible III
TV
What TV shows qualify as being “Of the 2000s”? It’s a judgment call. “Friends” was clearly a 90s show, even though nearly half of its episodes aired in the 2000s. On the other hand “West Wing” premiered in 1999, but it’s definitely a 2000s show. I saw one list that included “Modern Family” as one of the best shows of the decade. Um … no. Sorry. Let’s try again in 2019.
My Favorites
- The West Wing
- The Office (British and American, both)
- 30 Rock
- The Daily Show
- Lost
- Arrested Development
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
(“Buffy” is probably really a 90s show, and certainly its best seasons were in the 90s, but I didn’t start watching it until late 1999 and caught up on reruns in 2001 … also, it might not actually have been good enough to make this list. I’m not sure.)
Second Tier
- Curb Your Enthusiasm
- Alias
- Firefly
- How I Met Your Mother
Shows I Have Not Seen Much of but Would Probably Like
- Battlestar Galactica
- The Sopranos
- Friday Night Lights
Shows I Am Sure Are Great, but I Have No Desire to Watch
- The Wire
- Breaking Bad
- The Shield
Good First Seasons, Then a Major Drop-Off
- Desperate Housewives
- Heroes
- 24
Top Five Seasons of “Saturday Night Live” During the ’00s
1) 2001-2002
2) 2000-2001
3) 2007-2008
4) 2008-2009
5) 2006-2007
OTHER STUFF
No, I won’t discuss music or books because I don’t know enough to begin discussing them.
Favorite Inventions of the 2000s: iPods, Facebook, Nintendo Wii, hybrid cars, Coke Zero, Scarlett Johannson
Favorite Harry Potter Book of the 2000s: Deathly Hallows
Favorite Musical of the 2000s: AVENUE Q
Favorite Sports Moment of the 2000s: The Red Sox 2004 postseason … as if I had to tell you that
Favorite Actors of the 2000s: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti, Jenna Fischer
Favorite Comedians of the Decade: Mitch Hedberg, Mike Birbiglia, Patton Oswalt, Eugene Mirman
Man of the Decade: Jon Stewart
Woman of the Decade: Tina Fey
That’s all folks! See you in the Teens!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry MixMas
I haven’t written anything about the holidays yet. This is partly because, as we’ve established, my blogging has grown tepid and infrequent, as so many things do in this life. But also because I’ve been rather busy with holiday matters and with a new job.
The job is pretty dreadful and not worth discussing. The holiday things are much nicer. Abe and Jocelyn left New York a month or so ago to move to LA. They’re living with us for a while, while they look for a place of their own. Just this morning, I drove them to the airport to catch a flight back to Mass.
No, Amanda and I are not going east this year. The money wasn’t quite there. Instead, Doyne has come out to spend Christmas with us, which is very nice. We have a real tree this year and it’s all very jolly. Of course, Amanda and I are both working on Christmas Eve. I’m fairly certain I have never, in my life, done this.
But, anyway, all is cozy and merry. So I want to talk about Christmas music. I know. I do this every year. But this time I just want to run down a mix CD I made of Holiday songs. This is not the be-all and end-all of songs I like at this time of year (I can’t believe I forgot The Kinks’ “Father Christmas”) but I think it’s a nice mix.
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Judy Garland – I also like the more upbeat Sinatra version, but I give a slight edge to the gloomier, more wistful original. I’ve said this before, but the thing I love about Garland is how she manages to live every ounce of emotion in a song. You really feel like it’s happening TO HER at the exact moment she’s singing it. And I am secure enough in my sexuality to say that.
“Papa Noel” by Brenda Lee – I still can’t understand all the lyrics to this Cajuny, bouncy Christmas song, but I’ve loved it for years. Longtime readers may recall my difficult quest to find it a few Christmases back, since, as I said, I can’t understand 85 percent of the words, and I didn’t know the title, it was hard to search for. I eventually did find it and friend of the blog Fred Hembeck was good enough to send me a copy of Rhino’s Cool Yule CD, off of which I had originally heard it. I used to love to sing nonsense lyrics along to this. I usually can refrain from doing this, if there’s anyone else in the car.
“Snow Miser and Heat Miser” – I found both songs mushed into one MP3. These are the best part of the otherwise lackluster Rankin and Bass special “The Year Without a Santa Claus.” The Miser brothers each control their respective types of weather and sing mirror-image songs to introduce themselves. Snow has the better song, since the guy doing the Heat Miser voice seems exhausted and bored to be there. Also, while it gets points for the internal rhyme on “I’m Mr. Heat Blister” it loses all of them for rhyming “degrees” with “degrees.” I found a few covers on iTunes which were lively, but I prefer the original. I think R&B made a sequel special just about the Miser Brothers this year or last. I did not watch it.
“Linus and Lucy” by the Vince Guaraldi Trio – Only tenuously a Christmas song, but the dueling piano bass line and treble line from Guaraldi’s score to “A Charlie Brown Christmas” certainly gets played on the radio this time of year a lot. I assume I don’t have to tell you how awesome it is.
“Another Christmas Song” by Stephen Colbert – This was the opening song to that special he did last year for Comedy Central, which, for some reason, is not being run ad nauseum this year. Very clever lyrics (“Santa Claus singing on naughty snow/Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe/The manger’s on fire, the holly’s aglow/Hear the Baby Jesus crying ‘ho ho ho’”) performed extremely well by Colbert. Man, that dude is talented. Did you see the episode with his duet with Alicia Keyes on his version of “Empire State of Mind” about living in the suburbs? While still being, without a doubt, a white, white man, he NAILED some very tricky tongue-twister lyrics. This is a man who deserves every ounce of success he has.
“We Need a Little Christmas” by Angela Lansbury and the Cast of MAME – Yeah, again, I went with the original, rather than the more usual radio version. I’ve never seen MAME, the musical, though I know some of the songs, and I worked on a production of AUNTIE MAME, the non-musical adaptation of the same book, once. Some of the lyrics are more show-specific than the pop version, and one couplet is delivered in a faux-Asian accent by Mame’s Japanese butler (presumably played by a white guy in yellowface … squirm …). I’m still not sure what he rhymes with “bayberry” but I’m really worried it’s “slavery.” It also amuses me that Patrick is shocked that Mame wants to put up Christmas decorations even though it’s “One week past Thanksgiving Day.” Maybe that was too early in the Depression, or in the 60s when the musical was on Broadway, but, wow, that’s like the height of the season now. Still no sign of “I Need a Little Chanukah” by Lauren Mayer. It’s not on iTunes, or anywhere else online. (Note: research shows that Ito sings “It’s been a long time since I felt good neighbor-y” to rhyme with bayberry. It’s probably still racist, somehow)
“The Christmas Wish” by Kermit the Frog – This is from the John Denver and the Muppets special and … it’s really great. Quiet and beautiful and earnest, it simultaneously captures nearly everything I love about Christmas and about Kermit in one song. I don’t think I’ve often mentioned by screenplay The Christmas Guy (formerly known as Merry Little Christmas and, before that, We Wish You a Merry Christmas … who knows what it will be called by this time next year), but this song figures prominently in it. I would like to get that movie made just to make this song more popular, in hopes that it might replace that god-awful Faith Hill “Where Are You Christmas?” song from the even-more-god-awful Jim Carrey Grinch movie on holiday radio.
“Dominic the Donkey” by Lou Monte – iTunes thinks this recording of this song is spelled “Domenick the Donkey” but that cannot possibly be right. I have never heard this song played outside of Boston, where, I assume, everyone in the North End just camps out by their phone, speed dialing radio stations and shouting “Play ‘Dominic’!” but I quite like this silly kids song about the Italian Christmas Donkey. Those nutty Italians.
“Christmas Is My Time of Year” by the Monkees – I kind of regret putting this one on the mix. It’s not terribly, but it’s pretty forgettable. The early December I spent driving around the Hudson Valley with Alison and Eevin, we had Cool Yule Volume 2 and a Monkees greatest hits tape in constant rotation, so I thought I would love to hear this song over and over. Cute enough, I suppose, but probably not mixworthy.
“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” by the Roches – I wasn’t sure if I was going to include any carols on this mix, but I asked Abe what to include and he suggested this. I don’t think he actually gave it that much thought before answering, but, anyway, I included it. You have to love the Roches’ harmonies and you have to love a carol that mentions Satan in the first verse, so … what’s not to love?
Sorry, no video
“Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses – Another song I heard fairly often on the East Coast, but never out here, except for one time in a semi-hip store. I think this is a much better song than their only other hit “I Know What Boys Like” and captures a nice 20something Christmas-in-the-city vibe.
“Snoopy’s Christmas” by the Royal Guardsmen– Simply one of the all-time greats. I may have heard this enough times that I don’t get choked up when the Baron says “Merry Christmas, mein friend!” any more, but I still love this. I wonder what kind of deal these guys had to work out with Schulz about this song. My guess is … none … they assumed it was fair use and Schulz took it as free advertising. Try getting that past the Schulz estate these days. (A little research shows there was a lawsuit over the original “Snoopy vs the Red Baron” song, but Schulz permitted the group to do several follow-up songs)
“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Brand – I’ve written about this before, but, back in the 80s, the Children’s Theatre that spun off from Summer Theatre, would do a play about Santa and the Elves and every year my uncle Brian played Zip the Elf who did a lip-synch routine to this song at the end of the show. It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever, especially Santa synching to the Clarence Clemons part.
“Little Saint Nick” by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Band – I won’t say this is better than the Beach Boys’ original, but it is really fun to hear this sung by Janis, Floyd, Dr. Teeth and, of course, Animal shouting “Run, run reindeer!”
(Couldn’t find video)
“All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Olivia Olsen – I like this song. I love the scene in Love Actually that uses it, and this is that recording. But when I heard Amanda tell me that many of her coworkers consider the Mariah Carey original their favorite Christmas song, it made me want to punch somebody.
“Even a Miracle Needs a Hand” by Joel Gray – This is from the hand-drawn Rankin-Bass “The Night Before Christmas” which is, in many ways, incredibly awful. If you don’t know or recall it, basically a town hears that Santa isn’t coming because somebody wrote an editorial in the local paper saying there’s no Santa. It turns out it was a nerdy adolescent scientist mouse (humans go about their life in this town apparently unaware that the mice living in their houses wear clothes and write letters to the editor). To prove they don’t all think this way, the town builds a giant clock to play music for Santa as he flies overhead. The mouse tries to figure out how it works and breaks it so everyone has to fix it at the last minute. Plot is lousy enough, but the way it’s set up with all the lovable characters versus this loathsome mouse who ruins Christmas for everyone by DARING to question faith and address the world with logic, rationality, and scientific curiosity truly makes it despicable. There’s even a song called “Let Up A Little On the Wonder Why,” that’s all about that. Still, this song is kind of nice.
“Mr. Grinch” by Thurl Ravenscroft – I assume there is no argument on this – this is a truly glorious song, from the lyrics (“You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch/With a nauseous super naus/You’re a crooked jerky jockey and you drive a crooked hoss/Mr. Grinch/You’re a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich, with arsenic sauce”) to Thurl Ravenscroft, who has the coolest name and the coolest voice ever.
“The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire)” by Nat King Cole – I’m repeating myself, but this is the only classic Christmas song I can think of (pretentious title aside) that has one iconic recording that cannot be improved upon. Cole’s voice is so warm and smooth, it’s like he’s the fire you’re sitting beside and the cocoa you’re drinking and the Snuggie you’re wearing all rolled into one. I’m not saying other people can’t do a nice job with this song, but it’s impossible to improve upon it. I heard one of Natalie Cole’s “duets” with her father on this the other day, and it severely damaged the mood of the song. Now, you might ask “What about Bing Crosby’s ‘White Christmas’? Isn’t that also an unimprovable classic?” Well … not quite, no. Yeah, it’s great, but I’ve heard other versions and reinterpretations that I really enjoyed. I’ve never heard another recording of “Chestnuts Roasting” that made me say “I’m glad I heard that instead of Nat King Cole.”
“Mele Kalikimaka” by Jimmy Buffett – Probably not the best recording of this song, but I can’t think of one truly iconic one, so why not Jimmy? It actually is cold-ish in LA this week, so I can’t say this song describes my experience of the holiday, but it is nice to have ONE song that reflects the fact that actually snowfall and sleighrides at Christmas are pretty rare for much of the country.
“(I Want a) Rock and Roll Guitar” by Johnny Preston – What a great, ridiculous song. The actual song parts you can take or leave it’s the spoken semi-verse narratives that are so great, filled as they are with faux 50s hepcat slang: “You want a six-gun like the Lone Ranger has, so you can run around saying ‘Hi-yo Silver’ ‘Kemosabe’ and all that cowboy jazz!” “I don’t want no plane or no train, that ain’t the lick for me!” This was the other truly memorable track from Cool Yule Volume 2 that Alison and Eevin and I never got sick of.
“Christmas Is All Around” by Billy Mack (as played by Bill Nighy) – I am wholly unapologetic about my love for Love Actually, which, with very few provisos, is just about a perfect movie. I really think Nighy should have been nominated for best supporting actor for playing Billy Mack. It’s a note-perfect performance. And the song is so wonderfully, simultaneously great and awful.
“We Wish You a Merry Christmas” by Weezer – iTunes had a free holiday music sampler, which is where I got this and the Colbert song. There’s nothing particular special or groundbreaking about this rock version of the carol, but Weezer is a cool band and it’s a nice way to end the mix.
If I don’t write again before the big day, Happy Holidays all!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Spices That Could Also Be the Name of Characters in the Lost Shakespearean Comedy “Seasons Out of Season” and the Roles They Would Play in the Story
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
RAPUNZEL at Makeshift
Hey all. So the gang at Makeshift is doing my RAPUNZEL script this month. Here's the info:
RAPUNZELwritten by Noah Smith
There's more to Rapunzel than just her long, long, hair! Locked in a high tower as a baby, she grew up, raised by Gothel, the witch, and her parents who talked to her from the ground. Rapunzel's father, fancying himself a scholar, taught her how all the planets revolve around a flat earth, and her mother, who thought herself wise in the ways of the world, taught Rapunzel never to have an opinion of her own. One day a goofy prince rides in on stick horse and vows to free her. But here's where the traditional story changes. Our heroine frees herself and learns how to survive on her own by becoming a hairdresser and getting her own apartment. She returns to tell them all that she will make her own decisions now. And as for a "happily ever after," let's just say perhaps the ending is more of a beginning!
Tickets are $10 for adults and $8 for children. Come see
us at the following locations:
The NextDoor
Theatre Winchester, MAOct: 10 @ 10 am & 2 pmOct: 11 @ 2 pm
The Regent TheatreArlington, MAOct:
17 @ 10:30
They're using the weird give-away-the-whole-plot summary from my publisher here. Kinda wish they weren't but I'm THRILLED they're doing this show. If you're in the Boston area, please consider checking it out.
I really love their poster. Here it is twice for their two venues.


The promotional photos look very nice, too.



Friday, September 18, 2009
Just found this short "review" of my JEKYLL AND HYDE script on a Jekyll and Hyde fan page. I love the last phrase.
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Host: Playscripts Inc.A partial preview of an adapted play by Noah Smith. Comments: Another interesting take on the story. It really brings in the characters of Enfield and Lanyon more than the others, and really uses them as characters in the plot, and it also has more prostitutes.





